a little romance with life

Loving someone without them loving you back (and being okay with it) Is a tiring game of disgrace, because every seen text with no response hurts; every smile given to someone else aches; every moment you could have had, had he looked at you the same way pains; humiliation because you hate who you have become; because you want to text him even when there are no replies, because you can’t stop trying even when there is no point; And then slowly it becomes a game of shedding inhibitions, of sitting right in front of him and admitting that he makes you weak; of breaking but never being broken; of being able to laugh when it hurts; of being fine with him not smiling back the way you wish him to, just as long as he smiles; of talking about other things, as long as you get to share stories; it no longer hurts to not be loved back, just as long as you can love.

I am going to write the worst poem today And you will close your eyes and read it Deep words deep words deep words Meaningful blah blah blah constellations But then what is life in the scheme of things And who ever thought that sonder, shush… Afterall, who decides? Hunger for what In who by who? Fill the room with smoke So that I can stare at just one lamp, it’s light And shadow, their secret dance; I wanted to kiss him tonight, have his teeth Dig my skin; finally find an inspiration for My poetic constipation; I think I can do Even with a fart- a three sentence poem But here I am inducing vomit Just to feel fine again.